Darkness

"Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." Genesis 1:2

I have experienced days of darkness; times when no light could reach the depths of my soul. These have not been pleasant times. They have been painfully devastating, leaving me feeling hopeless, alone, and afraid.

I experienced these days in childhood, after 'losing' my natural parents. As young as I was, I knew things had changed and would never be the same. I knew days of fear, wondering what would happen to me. I experienced times of unrest, wondering if I would be left again. I was afraid of being alone, afraid of not being wanted.

I experienced days of darkness as a teenager, trying to fit in. I moved a lot during my high school years and changed schools quite often. In reality I was a very shy, timid girl. I tried to hide that by being loud, often obnoxious. I wasn't really smart, nor was I really pretty. I had no visible talents to speak of, so it was very difficult for me to make friends. So even though I acted happy and cheerful, inside I was sad, alone, depressed. I often wondered why I wasn't good enough, why I wasn't acceptable, why I wasn't loved.

As an adult, I have experienced days of darkness hovering over me. There have been times I have made choices I have come to regret. There have been times I allowed my insecurities to take control, convincing me for the millionth time that I wasn't good enough; I wasn't pretty enough; I didn't measure up to those around me. There have been times sin has taken control of my life, blocking the light of grace.

It comforts me to know that all throughout my life - each and every time I have faced the darkness, God has hovered above the darkness. He has been right there watching over me, seeing the formless empty darkness that spread deep into the recesses of my soul.

"And God said 'Let there be light' and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness." Genesis 1: 3,4

Just as God spoke to the darkness hovering over the waters and brought the earth into light, God spoke to the darkness in my soul and brought me into the light. He lifted me from my dark pits of despair and allowed me to see the light of His love and grace. He separated my darkness with His light.

Notice God did not destroy the darkness. He did not banish it completely. He separated it by the power of His Word. Just as God separated the light of the day from the darkness of the night, He separated my darkness of fear, unworthiness, and unloveableness with His strength, His worth, and His love.

Throughout life I will still experience times of darkness. I will still experience times of fear. I will still experience times of loss. There will still be times that the scared little girl will have to face the darkness. And each time, God will still speak and at His Word, there will be light. So no matter what I face, no matter how difficult the situation, no matter how hurt or afraid, I will have the power of Gods light to separate me from the darkness.